So, my official COS date is August 3rd!!! That
means that August 3rd is the first day that I am ‘allowed’ to go
back home to America and the last date of my service here in Cambodia. My exact
plans for what follows August 3rd is up in the air, but I hope to
end up in India or Nepal somewhere around there. A lot of this is dependent on
other factors like med school interviews, potential jobs (if that’s at all
possible), and friends/family. But, it’s good to finally know a date.
Recently, I was on facebook and one of my friends had posted
on her status “I’m not a feminist, but...” What followed was an article about
women in the work world and how in some cases they are making more money than
men. This is a very general summary of the article and should not be taken as
evidence of anything. What struck me was not the article, but the fact that my
friend felt that she needed to preface
posting it with “I’m not a feminist”. My response to her was “‘You’re not a
feminist? What does that mean?”
Until maybe my Junior year of college I had no idea that the
term “feminist” had negative connotations. To me, feminism is defined by each
person. I think that if you generally believe in the ability of women to make
choices for themselves then you are a feminist. You don’t have to believe that
all women need to work or that women shouldn’t wear bras. You just need to
believe in women. You just need to believe that a woman can make the choice to
raise kids or run for president and that they have the ability to do either or
both. It really does not seem like a radical idea to me. When I first heard
that people were scared to be associated with the word feminist my first
reaction was “Why?”
Why are people afraid to be a feminist? Coming to a Cambodia
has brought feminism to another level for me. The wall between male and female gender
roles here is so solid that it might as well be made of steel. Every day I see
women come into the health center with their children. They finally found time
outside of harvesting rice, cooking, cleaning, and any other work that needs to
be done to bring their child to the health center. Very rarely do men come with
their children or wives to the health center. In my host family, the boys get
to go play soccer, school, see Siem Reap, but the girls stay at home. They go
to school and they study, but they need to make the rice first. Every morning
all the women in my host family pick up a broom to sweep and every night they
do all the dishes. I don’t think I have ever seen one of the boys do their
dishes and I’m not sure they know how. I’ve seen families where the eldest son
got to go to school and becomes a nurse, the youngest son gets to go to Siem
Reap for high school, but the middle daughter stopped going to school after
grade 8 and stays at home to cook. These gender roles don’t just force people
into certain jobs or livelihoods, but they affect behavior. Generalizing about
girls in Cambodia, I would say that a lot of them are scared. They never get
permission to leave the house or stay out past dark so they rationalize it into
a fear. This fear self-perpetuates and keeps them at home and in turn creates
parents afraid to let their daughters out of the house. If you lived in Cambodia, would you be a
feminist?
Maybe the term feminism is too limiting. Maybe part of the
reason why people don’t want to associate with it is because it neglects men
and some people picture “man haters” when they hear the term. Maybe I should call it anti-gender rolism to appeal to the masses. I guess sometimes people use "gender eqaulity" or anti "gender disparity", but what does that really mean? Mutual
understanding between men and women, good communication, is crucial to
subverting gender roles. Women alone may be able to start change, but to have
worldwide sustainable change the other 50% of the population also needs to buy
in. Men are also trapped by gender roles,
“oppressing is oppressive to those who oppress as well as those they
oppress” , trapped in the cycle perpetuated by those in power (Frye 1983). If
everyone feels oppressed by oppression then why don’t we stop? Because those
oppressing still have an advantage they don’t want to give up. Over the course
of a number of months I did a big project involving a girls club. As a large
part of my work I ended up having many formal and casual conversations with
people in my community about the girls club, gender, and related topics.
Eventually I realized that many Cambodians, especially men, either don’t
consciously see the gender roles in their society or they don’t see it as a
problem.
I had a number of people ask me why I only had a girls club
and not also a boys club. To me it was obvious and it was also obvious to the
two male PCVs I worked with. With limited time and funds why would I choose to
create a boys club when all of Cambodia is pretty much a boys club? However, to
Cambodians it wasn’t so obvious. The purpose of the club was to teach girls the
skills they would not learn at school: self-confidence, team work, leadership,
career seeking, project planning, advocacy, anatomy, sexual health, etc. Many
of these skills are taught to boys.
“Women and disabled individuals are encouraged to apply” was
a statement printed at the bottom of a job advertisement. Someone reading that
in America might not think much about it. It’s a pretty standard statement that
we see a lot. Someone in Cambodia once told me that he had no hope of getting
the job because they would hire women first. Interestingly, he did not include
disabled people in his lament. I asked him how many women and how many disabled
people he saw working at this company. His answer was 2 and 0. Out of the 6
staff members 2 were women. He ended up
making it to the final round of hiring and they chose another man over him. One
day I asked someone why are there no female english teachers at our school. His
answer was because the female teachers all get chosen to work at NGOs or school
in Siem Reap (which are larger and pay more). He felt there was unfair
selection because they mostly got to work there. I don’t think he realized that
of all the men that graduate every year only a handful of women do and that
handful probably had to be first in
their class for their entire lives in order to work in Siem Reap.
Hearing people that think that these gender roles are a way
of life and that nothing needs to be changed is almost more frustrating than
seeing the gender roles themselves. Women are too scared to change, men don’t
think there’s anything wrong with it, and nobody communicates with each other. So
when someone says “I’m not a feminist” I ask “Why not?” What are you scared of?
Are you mad at me now, Helen? :) Jk. Thanks for this thoughtful post. Sorry if I offended you in any way by writing that. I guess my question would be, "If I'm a woman, and I claim I'm not a feminist, then is there something 'wrong' with me?"
ReplyDelete(Type more later... gotta run right now but wanted to say something anyways! Happy Holidays!)
No I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think I've spent a lot of time thinking about what a feminist is and what feminism means to me, but I don't think I know what someone who is not a feminist really is. I guess in my mind I just assume every awesome person that believes in women is a feminist. I don't really know what it means when you choose to not be a feminist.
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